I sat in the darkness of both my mind and apartment. My loving companion, my 50 inch television, projected a never ending stream of horrific images: nuclear Japan, the vacuum of Libya and The Situation's performance on the Donald Trump Roast on the Comedy Channel. Thoughts air popped into my head. The 9.0 magnitude of my new existence hit me. I had this mental urge to think of a metaphor that best expressed my own new life. And then, in the deep night, it came to me: Keith Richard falling out of a Fiji tree and getting a concussion was the zen koan I was seeking. I had fell out of the Fiji tree.
The loop of my marriage played over and over like Godfather week on Bravo. The early years of my marriage was like The Godfather 1 and 2. It all worked. The last two years was all The Godfather 3. It was like Al Pacino's hair , Sofia Coppola's performance, and that cockamamie Vatican-Mafia connection shit. Nothing made sense. There was no story there. I had the complete memory-dvd collection of The Marriage Part 1,2,3 playing non-stop.
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1 year, 2 year 3 year, 4 year, 5 year, 6 year, 7 year, 8 year, 9 year, 10 year, 11 year, 12 year 13 year, 14, year, 15 year, 16 year, 17 year, 18 year, 19 year, 20 year...
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The loop of my marriage played over and over like Godfather week on Bravo. The early years of my marriage was like The Godfather 1 and 2. It all worked. The last two years was all The Godfather 3. It was like Al Pacino's hair , Sofia Coppola's performance, and that cockamamie Vatican-Mafia connection shit. Nothing made sense. There was no story there. I had the complete memory-dvd collection of The Marriage Part 1,2,3 playing non-stop.
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I love you I really do I am so happy so so happy you are the best guy in the world i love you so much I can't believe how lucky I am to have you and you're lucky to have me i know you are such a good guy and you're so cute give me a kiss bmmmmwhaaaa give me a hug i love you you're so cute the way you eat is so cute and the way you walk and I love it how well read you are you read all the books I can't wait for you to get home to work and let's have a baby and a house and and we'll be all be together and have a happy family and we'll just have a such a good life together maybe you'll learn how to play golf we both can tinker around the house you can build things you and me and the kids and we'll have a family and dogs it's what I always wanted are you hungry I made you this big sandwich lets watch tv together so cozy are you cozy relax watch tv you work so hard you must have had a hard day at work i love it when you drive up in the driveway and you're with me, mmmm, you're such a good kisser you have a cute mouth I like the way you dress it's adorable you are so handsome i know you love me and i love you and i can't live without you i don't know what I would do if I didn't find you you're funny how you read the Sunday Times what a mess, you're a character i like that you're different, i like that you're a character and you dress differently than the other guys and you read and you know so many things I just don't know what I would do without you....what would I do without you...
1 year, 2 year 3 year, 4 year, 5 year, 6 year, 7 year, 8 year, 9 year, 10 year, 11 year, 12 year 13 year, 14, year, 15 year, 16 year, 17 year, 18 year, 19 year, 20 year...
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Can you close the door to the freezer, look at how everything is melted every time you leave the bathroom the sink is disgusting clean the mirror and that razor yuck why do you wear socks like that the fridge handle is sticky is that a glob of yoghurt on the floor and you walked right over it can't you see the mess you don't see the mess? why does the car have to be so messy get rid of those books and magazines why can't we go over to the Horowitz's they want to show us their new patio furniture you don't like it when I have my book club over there the least you can do is say hello to my friends why can't you just answer the phone you just let it ring so it's not for you, answer it it just rings, can you please pick up the dog poop in the back that's your job do something around the house you do nothing, nothing I hate the way you eat, i don't get your diet, eat a steak once in awhile you should have married someone else not that shirt that shirt?not that shirt remember when we loved each other all you do now is sit on the couch and watch those black and white movies with the sub titles why do you like those old films so much i don't get it why are you watching japanese movies we never touch like we use to, going to dinner with you is torture, living with you is torture HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO TIGHTEN THE CAP ON THE SELTZER BOTTLE IT GOES FLAT how many times do I have to tell you TIGHTEN THE CAP TO THE SELTZER BOTTLE WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP ASKING THIS you wore that shirt when i first met you think it's time you throw it away we have nothing to say to each other anymore we're so different, i like to ski and garden and you i don't even know what you like you just like to sit on the couch and watch black and white movies with subtitles when i met you i thought you were eclectic and well read but all you do is read the same books how many times can you read about the Mafia and the Nazis what station are you listening to who was that on the phone you don't talk on the phone to me like that who was that...can you eat slower, you eat too fast, chew your food chew....you should eat more greens again with the Mafia and nazis, the same books over and over again, you should read this book,it's a good book it's seeing life in a more positive better than reading those Nazi books how can you read that those frozen ice bars are driving me crazy how many do you eat everytime you eat the frozen ice pops you drip on the floor do you have to drip on the floor when you eat look at all those drips on the floor you better do something with your hearing you can't hear everytime i talk to you you don't hear me I don't get it hello hello I'm talking to you that bathtub is disgusting clean it out after you take a bath why do you shove the garbage in the bag like that if you see it's filled,throw it out why can't you just throw it out you do nothing in this house nothing all you do is sit around and watch those black and white films and read those crazy books about Mafia and Nazis and get crumbs on the new couch do something other husbands do all my friends' husbands work around the house why can't you fix things around the house just because you grew up in an apartment doesn't mean you can't fix things around the house other men fix things they work in the garden they clean up the garage this saturday why don't you clean up the garage you eat the same thing over and over again i don't get it don't you want variety your stomach is always upset you're always complaining ever since i known you you complained,your stomach is always upset do you have to fart near me please don't fart hold it in, you can hold it in just hold it in its very disrespectful Me Fart? I never fart go live in the city you'll be happier ever since we moved up here you complained I thought you would change I thought once you moved up here you would change why that look? what's with that look? what's that look...what are you thinking about now you always live inside your head...hello, are you there...
....hello, hello...why can't you take a walk up here it's beautiful why don't you take the dogs for a walk so the streets are named Elm and Maple so what I don't get that, what's wrong with that you know I'm tired of hearing how you hate the lawn and how you hate to pay to get the lawn cut and how you wish the lawn was concrete and how you hate to pay for the guy to snow plow old movies that's all you watch look at this table your place is always sticky why does it have to be sticky you have boxes and boxes of frozen ice bars in the freezer do you need all those books lets throw out some of your books why do you need all those books you read the same books over and over again you know it drives me crazy how you mess up the papers before I read then can't you fold it neatly it drives me crazy and I am sick and tired of opening a magazine and see it all sticky from your frozen ice bars look at this the pages are all stuck together do you have to read a book about Concentration Camps when we're eating dinner say something talk! just show me some evidence you're alive so how was your day at work tell me the idea you had you never tell me your ideas what was your idea at work yeah that's pretty stupid you look depressed why are you depressed you look so depressed what does your shrink say you should get another shrink she's not doing anything for you how can you be so depressed I don't get it why are you so depressed..
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